Summer

Y’all it’s summer and you can tell by my lack of blogs.  I don’t have the time to sit down and put anything to paper (computer).  Our days are filled with playdates, pool time, summer workbooks, reading (oh are we reading!) and doing next to nothing when there is nothing else to do.  We have seen so many friends this summer (which is great since it seems like we wait to catch up with everyone towards the end of the summer.)  It’s been one of my favorite summers yet.

The kids are also enjoying music lessons this summer.  I’m not certain I will ever enjoy the Bubba playing his guitar.  But, here’s hoping!  We have lemonade stand plans.  Camping trips, and bouncy castle parties on the calendar.

After years of getting landscaping quotes….I finally have found my very own guy to do everything I ever dreamed of.  It’s been life changing in my house!
I’ve dreamed of brick borders and English gardens in our backyard forever.  In Colorado everyone always wants to give you flagstone (I despise flagstone) rocks, roses that grow between rock gardens and fruit trees I’ve noticed.  I have constantly asked for designs that remind you of an English garden and never had anyone give me a plan that fulfilled those plans.  I finally started working through a design on my own, but the labor has been the difficult part.  Hubby doesn’t have time to do borders of brick, and I certainly didn’t have the time myself.

Herringbone Brick walkways and stairs Saratoga | Yelp:

Enter Landscaper T, and he’s been the best!  I never thought I’d luck out and find someone that got what the vision is and do it!  I’m currently waiting for our fish pond to get a whole new makeover.  Believe me it’s been an eyesore!  We also have way too many fish.  So if you know anyone looking to stock a pond, send them our way.

We are dreaming about our vacations to come.  Although this summer is again a summer where Hubby has staff out and that means longer days for him.  So our summer travel plans have kind of been cut to a minimum.  Luckily he is his own boss….so we can make up for it later in the year with a fun trip!

I’ve been busy filling out my new agenda!


I love a LP agenda.  I am feeling pretty happy about how organized I am for the next year or so.  I am so old school that I still do a wall calendar.  It’s the only way I can keep on my husband with keeping up with our daily schedules at home.

Our summer has been a little different than what I thought it would be…..due to a car accident the day after school let out.  We are all fine.  But, I have landed in weekly physical therapy appointments.  Plus I  have a car that need repair and it’s been a pure headache getting insurance companies to do what they are supposed to.   I fear for the day my children are driving and hope before then we become a country that doesn’t text and drive….and all become a hands free country.  Not just a few states.  I absolutely despise people that can’t just drive  And this includes friends these days.  I’m sickened that there are people that are either so important in their minds or that they think they can’t go five minutes without checking Facebook.  I’m over it.  And I’ve always been reluctant to put my kids in other peoples cars that I know text or spend a lot of time on social media.  But, now I am definitely being a bit more vocal on it.  Let’s just say the gloves have come off over this topic and it literally added insult to injury when it happened since I rarely even talk on the phone while driving.  Let alone sends a text while driving!  Never.

We bid a fond farewell to our favorite tennis court last week.  The JCCs tearing all the courts down.  But, we were so lucky to get one more week in.  It’s going to be a few years before they are back.  
Summer is keeping us busy.  I can’t believe we are already this many weeks in!  I so wish it would slow down.  I love having the kids home (still.)  The five year old has started the whole talking to just talk habit.  Sometimes it’s cute.  Sometimes Priss and I look at one another and pray he stops soon.

I hope all of you are enjoying your summer!

Cheers!

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Flowers….

The kids are picking out ‘craft’ projects for the summer.  I had to giggle that this was on idea.  They suggested if they got really good at them then perhaps they could sell them too.

Flower Twisting Craft Tutorial – Quick And Easy #iCraft - #MyValentine #iCraft Ideas:

This morning was a little tearful for the Bubba.  He got up late.  Dug his heels on on getting ready.

I could tell it was an ‘off’ day.  I brought up that it was his last day for lunch bunch (he gets to stay longer three days a week and have lunch and playtime.) He got the biggest crocodile tears in his eyes.  He said he wanted to stay the Little Bubba.

He visited his class for next year, yesterday.  He was all too familiar with the class since his sister was in there only a few years ago.  He is excited to be in there.  Excited to have the teachers.  It’s lucky for me it’s only a few doors down the same hallway where he’s been the last few years.  It’s really hard knowing that we are out of the preschool program now.  No more Mother’s day teas, little plays, volunteering in the class when they do work.  It’s always said to be bittersweet.  For me it’s miserable right now.  I’m going to miss the Bubba walking home with me holding my hand and telling me his stories of the day.

Yesterday Priss held my hand on the way home and told me not to sing anymore.  Which made me laugh til I cried it was so funny!

I can’t believe its a week away to summer kick off!  We are not having a summer full of camps.  I can’t plan camps in January like other mom’s do.  I like summer days where we can do whatever we want.  Go to the pool.  Go to the library.  Stay up late.  Or leave town.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for a child that gets out of school on Friday for the summer and on Monday starts a full summer of daycare, camps.  I think we all need a break.  Every mom I see right now says the same thing.  They are ready to end packing lunches.  Making sure there are uniforms and socks.  We are barely making it with our shoes right now.  I think on the last day we will burn all the tennis shoes.  There’s not a pair of jeans without holes in the knees.  Uniform shirts look like they have been worn and washed 200 times!

In other words.  Bring on the summer!!!!

 

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Making a Home

I just loved this article so much I had to share.  I am forever asking parents that have children that return home in a healthy way how they did it.  Don’t we all know a family that seems to  have it together?  I have clients that have a blended family where everyone gets along.  To the point that sometimes I think the mom would like it if they all decided not to come back for Christmas.  She says the shopping takes  her months.  She is so funny!  FOr years I have always stopped and asked “Now how did you make such a happy family happen?”  Where they like to travel together or spend time together.  Where everyone respects one another but are not on top of one another.

Last week something came up about how much time I’ll want to spend with Priss when she gets older with kids.  It was such a weird question.  I told her I would be like our friends mother who is like a grandmother to everyone that knows her.  She never intrudes and never has a bad thing to say.  You just want to be around her all the time.  She’s so fun!  She loves to sit on the patio and have wine, but is just as likely to jump at a two mile walk.  I think everyone wants to be her.  She also reads a ton of books and always has the best recommendations.  Her kids like having her around as do their spouses.  But, she will be the first to say it doesn’t just happen that everyone is happy in their family.  She says years ago when her kids were little she laid out in her mind what life would be like when her kids left the nest.

This article brings some of her points full circle!  Such a great read and one to revisit I am certain over the years as your kids grow up.

building a home your kids want to come home to

 

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I’m ready for summer!

This weather is such a downer today!  I am ready for warm weather to come and stay!
tidal pools #southcaroina:

I am ready for a beach trip.  I’m ready for everyone to sleep in.  I can’t wait to have lazy mornings (although we will have to do workbooks and such.)
I’m ready for bike rides, days spent at the pool that go into the night.  Dinners in the backyard with friends while kids run screaming through the yard.  Too much rose while lounging in the backyard.  And that moment I actually will get excited about packing lunches again for school.  I’ve said it before I am that weird mom that loves having kids home.  I love when we make our own schedules and actually have a break from the day to day homework, errands, activities.

Only a few weeks to go!  Come on summer…..and sun!

 

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Mother’s Day 2016

Happy Mother’s day to all the mom’s I know.  When I think about how many new mom’s there are now that I had the pleasure of spending one of the days of importance (their wedding day) with…..it makes my heart skip a beat.

I am so thankful for the mom I have that has led me to become the mom that I am.  I think we take lessons from our parents and forge our own way.  Priss will say to other’s that I make holidays special.  I have my mom to thank for that.  For as long as I can remember she would make Valentine boxes with us for cards.  Easters would be a hunt for a basket.  Santa still visits us.  She would entertain when we were growing up and make a simple dish seem so glamorous just on how she served it.  Shrimp cocktail in an old champagne glass seemed so amazing to me.  She volunteered for everything at school.  Ran more fall festivals than I am sure she would like to remember.

I believe in living a life with no regrets.  But, yet I do.  I regret that sometimes I buy a piece of fabric that never is used.  Another picture from that never is hung.  I regret buying a pair of shoes that hurt after wearing for only an hour.  Sometimes the house isn’t as organized as I like because just as soon as I clean out closets, two children have grown again and I have to sort clothes again!  I regret that just as soon as I get my side of the garage cleaned up and organized that I am filling it back up with another project that will more than likely sit for months due to how busy we are with our children.

I DO NOT regret buying a house that was maybe a tad more than we planned on spending, affords us the luxury of a 3 minute walk to and from school.  That we can hear the church bells everyday.  I don’t regret attending every soccer, lacrosse, ballet, baseball, you name it extra curricular activity the kids have.  I do not regret being classroom mom to two classes this year, taking on two class creations, and giving my hours to fundraising for our school of wonderful teachers.  I do not regret the hours of helping an Elf surprise the kids each morning, or making a breakfast for a birthday with a pancake shaped into a number.  Setting every single birthday, Valentine, Christmas, Halloween, holiday in general table.  I do not regret the mounds of laundry that go neglected when Priss asks if I want to watch another episode of her favorite show with her.  I do not regret passing on events that I know would only bring stress to my life hence bringing stress to my family.  I am thankful for the husband that will encourage my event schedule when he knows it is going to fulfill me.  But, just as quickly says “we need you.  I don’t want you working on this event.” if it means keeping me happy and home.  I will never regret every single book I read at night.  How many times a day I brush everyones teeth.  Or how many times I run up and down stairs to find socks that match for school, uniforms, or jeans that don’t have holes in them.  I am so thankful for the many wonderful trips and family time we spend together.  I am thankful for this life of motherhood that I always wished for even as a little girl.  But, goodness who knew it could be this wonderful?  When I see the Bubba hugging his sister and saying “I’m going to hug your bones out.”  I know I’m doing something right.  They are both two sweet, kind, caring, funny children.  Bubba has started showing a comedic side to himself that has everyone in stitches.  Priss continues to be her patient self and such a hard little worker.  I feel very lucky.

I know there are so many celebrating today that may have lost their mom.  Or have not had the chance to become mom’s yet themselves.  I know it’s hard to see everyone celebrating.  I hope you find something today that brings you joy and happiness.

I think we are one of the few that do not have sports to deal with today.  I’ve heard some of the older boys moms mention multiple games today.   I am going to see what gardening I can get out of everyone.  It started off with the favorite tradition of cupcakes and coffee.  The sun is out for now and I plan on enjoying it as much as I can.

Have a lovely day where ever you are and whatever you are doing!

Cheers

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Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

This week we’ve been trying to get dinner finished early and ready to bed even earlier.  Everyone is still really dragging from the vacation hangover.  We thought for some reason we had a three hour time difference.  It was only a two hour.  DUH.  But, that’s vacation for you.  Do you ever really know what’s going on if all you plan to do is relax?

We ate fairly healthy on this trip.  In the Dominican they are not very dairy heavy.  It’s for the most part I’d say clean eating.  Now I didn’t try the goat on the menu.  We did eat a lot of lobster.  Like Hubby has the story that he ate three lobsters.  Someone asked while he was there?  Ummmm no, at one dinner.  I am not a big lobster fan typically.  I’ll eat it.  But, I find it to be hit or miss in taste.  The lobster we had was amazing.  I too had a few while there.

Coming home I’m trying to get back to really clean eating for us.  Monday morning came the obligatory Whole Foods run where I brought home two huge bags of just fruit and fresh veggies.  Why is it after vacation you crave broccoli?  Or is that just me?

But, in all the clean eating I’ve had to have something on the menu almost every night to keep the Bubba fed.  He’s our picky eater.  He could and would live off mac n cheese if he was allowed.  He loves a pasta.  He loves a cheese sauce.  He’s not a big meat eater at all.  But, he will eat salmon.  Loves broccoli and brussel sprouts.

Last night was the first night that he actually has eaten everything we had on our plates except for the tomatoes.  Which I don’t fault him b/c I am not a fan of tomatoes either.  I eat them.  But, rarely do I think they are that great.  Our neighbors use to bring over bowls of their cherry tomatoes fresh from the garden and THAT I did love.

This has been a menu in our rotation for years.

Grilled Chicken with Tomato-Avocado Salad Recipe

Grilled Chicken with Tomato and Avocados

I went into the store yesterday with not a clue what I would make for dinner.  I had a raging headache to boot too.  I’ve had a sinus infection since flying home!  When I walked in and saw all the cheap avocados (which always means when a fruit or veggie is cheap it’s in season and you need to eat them)  I thought of this recipe.

Corn is not in season.  So I skipped that.  I added black olives to the plate.  I did roma tomatoes and I tripled the amount of avocado on the plates.  I wish I had used an entire large onion.  I used half and everyone wanted more.  I didn’t think Bubba would eat it…..

For this recipe you do make your own ranch dressing.  I tweak it into my own recipe because rarely do I have buttermilk on hand.  Last night I did sour cream watered down with milk.  Same thing.  I didn’t have cider vinegar and used champagne vinegar.  I didn’t have parsley and nobody missed it.  If you have the time to blend the dressing it’s great.

If I had company I would make the french bread on the grill.  But, it was just us.  I had whole grain left from two nights before when all we ate was avocado spread with soup.

When I sat down to dinner Bubba had already started eating before prayer….which is a huge no no in our house.  He said “Mommy YOU HAVE TO TRY the olive in the ranch with avocado.”

He devoured his plate.  Everyone was happy b/c for one they all get to make their own little bites.  My kids love ranch.  Which is NOT something to brag about!  But, given that this is a healthy meal, I’m fine with it.  The plate is really pretty too.  I don’t mix everything together.  I separate it on the plate and then lightly drizzle ranch on top of it.  They don’t get as much of it as they think they do.  Priss said last night it was a really colorful.  It was!  Green, red, purple, black, white and the chicken with the seasoning…..it is pretty!

I only wish corn, tomato and avocado season hit at all the same time more often.
Can you tell we are dreaming of summer?  This is such a summer meal.  I can’t believe it’s April.  The next two months are packed with soccer, soccer, lacrosse, ballet, school festivities.  I don’t know where this year has gone.  This year has flown by more so than any other.

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St. Patrick’s Day planning

I love St. Patrick’s day.  It’s kind of like Thanksgiving…..no gifts needed.  It involves a fun menu.  But, there is not right or wrong way to celebrate.  It also breaks up the long winter days that are slowly showing signs of spring.

I have a very Irish last name that I married into.  My husband says he thinks they have Irish roots.  So I go with what he says.  Who wouldn’t want to be Irish?  They have the most fun!  My family background is pretty boring in my opinion so that is probably why the idea of being Irish or Italian always has seemed more appealing.  I’m just German, English and maybe Dutch.

On both sides of my family there were a ton of women and men that loved to bake and had a major talent for it.  Me?  Not really.  I get bored very quickly baking.  I will get one batch of cookies out of the oven and then I’ll have lost interest getting to the next three trays.  I’ll bake a cake and never frost it.  Cupcakes?  Oh please.  I bake at Christmas with the kids because I want them to have that memory.  I love baking with them.  They spend forever picking a new cookie to try each year and we usually do it when it’s a night with nothing going on and it’s all cozy.  It’s a nice memory.  Baking is  just not something that I love at this stage in my life I guess.  I would rather make a seven course meal.  I’m not kidding!

When it comes to St. Patrick’s day I do make the effort to bake!  Weird right?  I try to make sure the kids have Irish traditions to look back on.  There is so much to bake too!  Soda bread, cookies, even just a spin on a cake by adding Irish cream to it.  And you can make everything green!  It’s so fun.

Priss recently came home and had to write a story about traditions in our family.  Have you ever had to stop and talk about your traditions?  I had to stop and think…….not because we don’t  have them.  But, more so because it’s just second nature at this point.  She wrote about the tradition of a beach trip.  Which was sweet.  But, I had a list of fifty other things I thought she could talk about.  She also had to draw a picture to go with it.  So I guess a plate of food as a drawing didn’t rate as high as talking about dinners out with Nana and Pop pop on vacation and a week at the beach.  Whatever!

I actually have a list a mile long of things I try to make around St. Patricks.  I’m just going to share a few!

Irish Lemon Pudding -- This recipe was adapted from the cook book Traditional Irish Cooking and sounds like a great finish to a St. Patrick's Day meal.:

Irish Lemon Pudding cake………that you will make all year!

I made this from The Baker Upstairs a few years ago for a dinner party.  It was so good I made it again the next day for the family.  It is to die for.  The Baker Upstairs had me hooked after I read her review.  I serve it warm and with fresh whipped cream.  It’s divine.

I always always cook corned beef.  We only eat it once a year and there is rarely even a bite left.  I know it’s not very healthy.  But, I put it in the pressure cooker and it is to die for.  I can’t say I do anything special because this time of year all the grocery stores have corned beef and they always come with a seasoning packet.  So we just go with that.

I make marshmallow type shamrocks….

Homemade *Shamrock* Marshmallows - (made w/out using a candy thermometer!)

TruWhip frozen marshmallows

Remember Cool Whip?  So do I and now I can’t believe we ever liked it.  Luckily everything is made better now and the organic version is called TruWhip.  It’s so much better.  I spread it on parchment paper on a baking sheet.  Freeze, then cut out in any shape (shamrock for St. Patrick’s day.)  This is a great thing to do at Valentine’s day with hearts, Christmas with Santa shapes.  You can add dye to the Truwhip, mix then spread.  I usually do green for St. Patrick’s day.  The kids love them in milk, hot chocolate of course.  Or just as a treat.

Mint Chocolate Chip Shamrock Marshmallows | The First Year:

It’s fun to watch them melt if you do use dye……Also you can mix in mini chocolate chips. Or do the Andes peppermint chips.

So I’ll admit the Irish are not a society over over seasoning cooks.  But, Irish Soda bread is one of my favorites because it’s so dense.  I found this recipe that takes the boring bread to a new level with cheddar and rosemary.  I didn’t have the cheddar and did with parmesan and found it to be just as good.  The rosemary makes this bread so yummy!  And this is the only time of the year the kids get Irish butter.

Irish soda bread with sharp cheddar and fresh rosemary

Irish soda bread with sharp cheddar and rosemary

Since everything is based on the Leprechaun…..I try to throw a rainbow in where I can

http://img.loveitsomuch.com/uploads/201308/12/ra/rainbow%20art%20baby%20shower-t92058.jpg:

Rainbow Fruit Salad

Hope you have a fun one!  I wish we were going to be in Savannah this year for the parade.  It’s so fun!  I highly recommend going if you never have.  One day I hope spring break works out so we can go.

Cheers..or as the Irish say….Slainte

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Week 9 bachelor Recap…..

It was a roller coast of emotions.  I mean to have Lolo get an I love you then Jojo get an I love you.  Then Caila got the boot.  It was all too much in one night.  And all so boring too.  How does ABC do that?

Caila’s date started out slow, boring and by the end I was hoping they had food poisoning from the jerk chicken shack so that the date would at least end with some type of excitement.  Half way thru their Tom Sawyer boat ride I started wondering if they were actually just at Disney World doing a tour of Animal Kingdom.  Most of the ride Caila seemed to contemplate throwing  herself overboard and making a run for it.  But, I personally think she didn’t risk it because at the end of the day she was not about to ruin that amazing blowout.

After awkward silence, a meek I love you with zero response from Bachelor Ben, they went to the fantasy suite where they continued to awkwardly make out on the bed with fireworks going off.  But, for whatever reason that one I love you just gave Caila this confidence that I’ve only seen on Maury Povish.  By the next morning there was a lot of  I love yous, silence, and Caila seriously started reminding me of Isla Fisher from Wedding Crashers…..

Ben narrowly escapes the date the next morning and runs off down the beach to Lauren.  How big is this resort?  I felt like all three girls have fantasy suites beside one another.

Lauren shows up wearing the same hooker shorts Caila had on the day before.  Which in case you have forgotten are jean shorts cut into underwear.  They go off to save sea turtles.  They lay hands on them and then pray (just like the Baptist that I grew up with only with less clothes on.)

They took time to lay on a blanket, talk about how they both think the other one is too good for them.  Ben talks about why he had a case of the sads with her family.  They go back to the resort where shockingly there is a band playing reggae and singing about I love you….. I  was disappointed that ABC intern didn’t have enough sense to get this pop up band to sing the Lionel Richie version….because it would have totally set the tone of what was to come…..

It was only too perfect when Lauren finally says she loves Ben and he responded with the same to her.  She didn’t even blink which makes me think these two pretty much know how this is going to end up.  Bachelors are never supposed to say those three little words.  But, that Ben is such a rule breaker!

I of course by this time was beyond excited because I’ve kind of been team Baby Lolo for a while.

Then morning comes and Ben screwed it all up with his date with Jojo.

I blame Jojo and her lingerie that she wore to the waterfall.  And if you watch I’d say they probably had sex before the fantasy suite by the looks of things that were popping up!  Who edits for ABC?

Jojo I loved when she nearly got whiplash as Ben responded that he loved her too.  Jojo knew!  This is against the rules.  But, it didn’t phase her any.  She dropped a “Oh babe.”  I screamed and remained pissed off and cringing for the rest of the night.  I kept waiting for Jojo’s brothers to appear.  She some how has managed to convince Ben that her brothers are just really nice guys.  They are harmless.  One big happy Appalachian mountain family kind of harmless loving brothers.

Then when you couldn’t cringe another inch…..Caila decided to pop on over and surprise Ben Ben.  Why?  Because she loves him and just had to see him.  She couldn’t stand it another minute and she just knows he loves her back.  She got a serious case of the Olivia’s.  Jamaica be makin’ her crazy……

This should be titled “I think I will be dropping Caila at the next rose ceremony…..I wonder if I was supposed to wear these dork boat shoes in navy with the gray tight shorts and the aqua undershirt….what did the stylist at Nordstrom tell me?”

Finally the rose ceremony.  Chris Harrison has become a cartoon character of himself.  And just when I think I have no use for him, he redeems  himself.

Jojo arrives first and says Ben told me he loves me.

Then Lauren…..and this is Chris upon hearing the news….

I heart you Chris Harrison!!!

They both soon find out that they are the only ones left.  It’s all very awkward with a group hug…..I was again ticked b/c all season Ben has called Lauren first for a rose if she didn’t have one going into the ceremony.  But, on this night……he calls Jojo……WHAT?

The end was fab when both girls make toasts about love.  Jojo cuts eyes at Lauren letting us all know she doesn’t like flight attendants.

Next week is the ‘women tell all.”  I hear it’s good.

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Week 8 Bachelor Recap

As Ben drove away from the last hometown date with Jojo, which I think was probably his 2nd in reality.  ABC kept it to the end because of the drama……Ben said “it wasn’t the kind of hometown date he would have liked”  No it wasn’t.  But it was the kind that I loved!

The words welcome home have never been so awkward!  Finally a peppy Monday night!

First date was with Amanda.  She wore a pirate shirt that she had to keep pulling up.  Her roots had gone from bad to really bad. I had a hard time watching because I can’t imagine a child not seeing their mother for 30+ days and then suddenly being on the beach without food????  Random toys, a camera crew and a guy named Ben.  When Amanda said her kids like to be chased, I wanted to text Ben to run!  Forever.  Don’t stop.  Don’t let them catch you.  That was just code for “you get to push them on the swings while I drink chardonnay if this works buddy.”

As we all know Amanda was sent home.  She had a good point when she asked Ben why he made her come back to LA just to send her back.  But, hey how else would we have ever seen her with a good color job (stylist friends must have stepped in.)  She also had to have lost 15 lbs that she didn’t need to lose to begin with and her voice.  Minnie Mouse Disney voice quickly disappeared after the rejection.

Lauren B.  He loves her.  That is all.  She also said she loves butter.  I wish she would have told him she loves him because he loves her and he wants to hear it.  Her sister took over for Becca’s sister from last season with gettin’ up in his grill.  Give that girl a show.  She made him cry.  It was awesome!  Then he cried with her dad.  But, he said he is feeling beaten up when he was with Lauren B.  I’m certain he saw Jojo’s family before that because he was really struggling with wanting to share his feelings….and he goes out of his way to tell Lauren how thankful he is she is on the show.  Long story short Jojo’s family really helped Lauren.

Caila.  She said she moved a lot growing up.  I thought her father was in military. So it was surprising to see he manufacturers toys (insert dirty jokes now.)  It was a cute date.  Her mom is precious.  She even had adult braces and made me want to get some. I loved her with her Paula Abdul ponytail from the 90s too.  I didn’t care for the dad that had to sell her though.  Caila’s parents were some what pimp parents.  You don’t see that often on the show……but then enter……Jojo’s mother.

Oh Ms. Jojo.  I’m gonna call her mother that.  I don’t know her name.  It sounds better than Chuggington…..which she is.  I love her!

We had five minutes of Chad and 3 seconds of Ms. Jojo going vertical with champagne.  Thank you!!!!

Jojo’s father is the Godfather.  He basically tells Ben that if he comes to Dallas he can help him meet the right people in the olive oil business.  The brothers sit like stumps.  It was so uncomfortable.  So I rewound and watched again and again.

The brothers are grunting when Jojo comes home.  She says on the voice over that she thinks Ben will fit right in with her “LOVING” family.  How so?  That he likes making out with her as does her brothers?  One thing was clear, the brothers got Chad to write this lame two page letter (front and back) to Jojo and deliver it miraculously through the help of the ABC intern on the day she arrives home.  But, quickly….I wonder if one of her brothers is actually Chad.  I think the theme song to Deliverance could be heard in the back ground as the brothers said they loved her again and again.

One thing for certain…Jojo’s family is male dominated.  She has a sister that nobody seems to care about.  When the mother daughter heart to heart took place it was so funny to see a woman try to cry but couldn’t because of the Botox.  It was typical Dallas.  In other words I loved it.  I love anything Dallas.  I still watch reruns of Dallas (only the first few seasons because obviously Bobby and Pan forever!)

If you have not seen it yet, Ms Jojo did swig straight from the champagne bottle.  The Godfather tries to stop her.  Then goes with it realizing it’s just another night at home with the family.  Typically you try to put on a good show for company.  But, since the brothers were grilling Ben to the point where he says “I’ve been coached to not say anything.” it seemed to be par for the course. The brothers wanted to lock this thing down.  Which was strange they wanted Ben to say he was going to pick Jojo….I think if he had they would have shot him on the spot.  You just can’t win for losing when you are dealing with inbred brothers that want to marry their sister.  Up until this week I thought Jojo would be our next Bachlorette.  But, since that means more air time for her creepy brothers I feel like that story line is over done….since we do have the Duggars on TLC.

End of show Amanda is crying.  Ben is crying.  I was ok with Ben saying good bye to Amanda.  But, it really bothered me on his date with Lauren that he left half a glass of whiskey (maybe more.)  I don’t even like whiskey.  Why waste good alcohol? It’s like they don’t understand what they are supposed to do on this show!  Drink!

Things I’ve learned this season:  everyone on hometowns have plantation shutters, when you cry learn how to gracefully wipe tears and snot with your hands b/c ABC doesn’t let you have access to tv, radio, phones or kleenex when you sign up to be on the Bachelor.

Pirate shirts are a dime a dozen, jean shorts should only be worn in place of underwear, and always make sure your mom gets ton of Botox and has easy access to booze when a camera crew is in your house.  Tight pants or jeans on a guy should never be worn to the beach and pushed up.  Bless him.

Week 9 looks okay.  I mean there isn’t any crazy left at this point.  They are going to Jamaica so maybe some rebels will storm a picnic or something like that.

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Bachelor Recap Week 5….the Olivia Show

Feb. 1st was a very important day in our American history yesterday.  A bunch of crazy white people and one African American took their crazy to the air waves to elicit attention and validation.  Nope not talking about the Iowa caucus (that interrupted the show by the way! The nerve of ABC!) it was the Bachelor last night!

The Bachelor was off to viva la Mexico!  After last night I feel like we are safer with ISIS than the people of Mexico since the girls and Ben had some of the worst accents.  Grassyassssss ugh.
First date was LIKE so amazing.  Like Amanda has a baby voice, has two kids at home and had a really crappy marriage.  I appreciate the back story on the girl that is not a teen mom.  Check yourselves on that one.  Amanda got a ride in a hot air balloon which she like totally loved.  Her face said ‘dear God get me out of this wicker basket fueled by an open flame’. Why are these dates always about them saying how they want to get to know one another….without actually getting to know one another?  How amazing to go on a date in a field where there is champagne, real cutlery, and what I imagine is the most amazing half assed charcuterie tray and then you don’t have to clean it up.  Just walk off and leave a trail of trash and I’m guessing an Indian with a tear for littering in your dust.

Up next was a group date that did include Olivia.  She thought she had the one on one in the bag.  Nine girls were taken to a seedy classroom near a boiler room.  They learn three variations of I love you and I want to hump on you and then are turned out on the streets of Mexico to find their way around a town that imports tequila and from what the news reports, cocaine.  True paradise.  The girls have to pair up in a cooking competition.  Olivia claims Ben.  Jubilee declares war.  We find out that the hot dog lover actually can cook!  Ben and Olivia’s dish was looking like dog food and the topic of the bad breath was brought back up.  Olivia’s secret cooking ingredient?  Crickets.  It’s the new parsley of Mexico.  Again, dear Mexico I am so sorry.

I appreciated this episode because finally I have something for my party menu.  Tacos!!!!  I’ll not be serving Jojo’s tacos.  To the producers of the show for that sound bite….well done.  Well done.  Ben’s already had Jojo’s tacos and loved them according to Jojo.  Oh Jojo…..Do tell!

The cocktail party of the night was quickly brought to a halt when Jubilee had the nerve to react like a normal human being and share her feelings of dating (is that what they all think they are doing?) the same guy as ten others.  The “I don’t like you Ben” when she is making I heart Ben signs all over her notebook in secret, got old.  She felt like he had a thousand one on ones since her date where she did that weird strip tease and isn’t sure he remembers her.  So to remind him that she is still there with all those skinny white girls she proceeds to show him what marriage would be like starting now.  She doesn’t know that you wait until after the wedding to show your true colors.  Jubilee is a natural born pouty pants.  Adios Jubilee…..the irony of her name and how the girl acts, was not lost on me.  But, points to trying to win America’s heart the way Ben did with her exit comment “I am the most unlovable person in the world.”  Uhhh yeah you are.
The next date was one on one with Lauren H.  She’s dull.  Ben’s not interested and we get to see the fashion mecca of the world…..ha ha.  No we didn’t.  It was fashion week in Mexico and Ben and Lauren get to walk down the runway.  So how legit is it?
I don’t know when jean shorts made a comeback.  But, they are all the rage with those girls.  They like to cut them to look like a pair of granny panties.  Becca wore a shirt that was so United Colors of  Benetton circa 1989.  I loved it.  But, girl didn’t have any pants on.  Sometimes I have to wonder about this boring virgin.
Single Mint Emily let it be known that it was all bets off now that her sister was gone.  The other twin was holding her back all this time.  She’s the reason why Emily and Ben weren’t already on their honeymoon!
Olivia once again dominated.  Everything.  Everybody.  I wonder if we have meth to thank for her personality?
This was Me when Ben gave her the group date rose.  Seriously??????? (and me when that whole taco talk went down.)
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Olivia is like the worst mean girl ever.  She calls someone a Teen mom then fake cries.  You’ve got to own your condescending back stabbing.
Then says she is really going to try.  Try what?  If you watch nothing else of the show watch the end where she is fondling an innocent red rose.  Is she or is she not related to Cameron Diaz?
Olivia gives Ben a promise ring.  If he wears what can only be called an emasculating pinkie ring…..I hope his finger turns green!  I hate when bad jewelry happens to….well I just hate bad jewelry.
We were left with a cliffhanger.  Ben was maybe going to send Olivia home.  I doubt he does.  I know he doesn’t because the previews show tears and not enough cheers.
Until next week!
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