Bachelor Recap Week 3

Who would have guessed Lace would leave on her own accord, and not escorted out by professionals and strait jacket!  Such wise words on her departure….. “like my tattoo says”  Oh girl.

This show had it all.  Helicopter rides.  Plane ride in one of those planes that Snoopy use to fly in.  A hot tub in a field.  Cankles, fat toes, bad breath and mean girl fest.

Only one person picked Jubilee and they earned a total of 145 points.  Bravo!  There was crying, one on one date, hot tubs, mentioning dead family members, blurred body parts and declaring she can’t be friends with girls.  I never trust women that say they can’t be friends with other women.  If a man said that it would never fly.  Jubilee wore an amazing white outfit (sans underwear..did y’all notice?)  She spit out caviar, guzzled champagne from a wine glass (can’t ABC find a set designer that provides correct glassware?)  and then talked about her love of eating hot dogs. In her words….she’s obsessed with hot dogs.  I hope he takes her back to a hometown date because what mother doesn’t want to hear from her future daughter in law that she only eats hot dogs and is OBSESSED with the meat by product.  She has guilt that her family all passed away in Haiti.  But, doesn’t regret the bad tattoos.  I don’t know.  This girl is not adding up.  She kept saying it takes a special person to deal with her.  By special I am guessing a masochist.

The new villain is Amber James (is she a stripper in real life?  That name!)  Never in the history of the Bachelor have I ever seen someone basically put their own nail in the coffin by trying to confront another girl (Jubilee.)  She self elected herself to confront Jubilee on being weird.  Ben swooped into the bathroom where this drama was taking place and declared his love for weird.

How do you solve a problem like Olivia…….How do you catch a cloud and pin it down (apparently her breath could take care of this.)

Olivia is not a favorite in her mind with anyone because she is intimidating. While she was busy stealing Ben away every five seconds….the others spent time discussing her fat toes, cankles, halitosis and that she is nothing but aggressive.  How dare she!  Ben went through a hard day with loss of family friends.  Olivia stole him away to chat with him and share how she knew what  he was going through.  Amidst her crying she shared how people have blogs that talk about her fat toes.  I have YET to find these blogs pre December 2015.  I learned just in time about the secret body language signals Ben has for Olivia and only Olivia.  Because of that I think I could be engaged to this guy that bumped into my grocery cart at the Whole Foods yesterday.  He acted like it was a tight produce aisle.  But, his eyes said I was the one for him.

Lauren B finally got a date.  I am just wondering if they could potentially be on the path to a fantasy suite date night.  If so can Ben and Lauren B be on a first name basis and drop the B.  Can she be just Lauren?  I really think Lauren B is his cup of tea. Ya gotta give it to a girl that is okay changing into a bikini behind a tree in a field with a random hot tub.  Score to the producers who filled that thing up in the middle of the desert!  You know Tom Selleck got in trouble for wasting water on his plants.  So I am curious how ABC got away with filling this hot tub up during the drought.  Perhaps it was nothing but tears from previous seasons?

I love dates to creepy mansions and once again I was left wondering how much food gets wasted on these dates because they never eat!  Clearly I never would have made it on this show!  Another concert with someone I’ve never heard of.  Lots of toe pointing and swaying to a song on that rug that gets carried around from barns to warehouses for these impromptu concerts.  Nothing says sexy concert like a private session with a mother daughter trio!  OY!

Lauren H got the wild card points this week for being called first for the rose.  Jami had to catch an Uber at the end of the rose ceremony.  I was a ok seeing her go.  When she shared with her BFF Olivia she had just met five days prior,  that all the girls were talking about her I just didn’t like her.  What’s the point?  Olivia is going to see the show eventually.  And because of Jami we now have Canklegate.  She deserved to leave. But, I did enjoy Olivia guessing what all the girls were saying “Chin hair?  My wooden leg?” Note to self, never just yell out body parts that are being talked about when you are three chardonnays to the wind.

Until next week where Olivia flips her lid in the bathroom…why always the bathroom?   The double mint twins go against the grain and don’t wear matching outfits…..and Becca continues to be vanilla.


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