Week 8 Bachelor Recap

As Ben drove away from the last hometown date with Jojo, which I think was probably his 2nd in reality.  ABC kept it to the end because of the drama……Ben said “it wasn’t the kind of hometown date he would have liked”  No it wasn’t.  But it was the kind that I loved!

The words welcome home have never been so awkward!  Finally a peppy Monday night!

First date was with Amanda.  She wore a pirate shirt that she had to keep pulling up.  Her roots had gone from bad to really bad. I had a hard time watching because I can’t imagine a child not seeing their mother for 30+ days and then suddenly being on the beach without food????  Random toys, a camera crew and a guy named Ben.  When Amanda said her kids like to be chased, I wanted to text Ben to run!  Forever.  Don’t stop.  Don’t let them catch you.  That was just code for “you get to push them on the swings while I drink chardonnay if this works buddy.”

As we all know Amanda was sent home.  She had a good point when she asked Ben why he made her come back to LA just to send her back.  But, hey how else would we have ever seen her with a good color job (stylist friends must have stepped in.)  She also had to have lost 15 lbs that she didn’t need to lose to begin with and her voice.  Minnie Mouse Disney voice quickly disappeared after the rejection.

Lauren B.  He loves her.  That is all.  She also said she loves butter.  I wish she would have told him she loves him because he loves her and he wants to hear it.  Her sister took over for Becca’s sister from last season with gettin’ up in his grill.  Give that girl a show.  She made him cry.  It was awesome!  Then he cried with her dad.  But, he said he is feeling beaten up when he was with Lauren B.  I’m certain he saw Jojo’s family before that because he was really struggling with wanting to share his feelings….and he goes out of his way to tell Lauren how thankful he is she is on the show.  Long story short Jojo’s family really helped Lauren.

Caila.  She said she moved a lot growing up.  I thought her father was in military. So it was surprising to see he manufacturers toys (insert dirty jokes now.)  It was a cute date.  Her mom is precious.  She even had adult braces and made me want to get some. I loved her with her Paula Abdul ponytail from the 90s too.  I didn’t care for the dad that had to sell her though.  Caila’s parents were some what pimp parents.  You don’t see that often on the show……but then enter……Jojo’s mother.

Oh Ms. Jojo.  I’m gonna call her mother that.  I don’t know her name.  It sounds better than Chuggington…..which she is.  I love her!

We had five minutes of Chad and 3 seconds of Ms. Jojo going vertical with champagne.  Thank you!!!!

Jojo’s father is the Godfather.  He basically tells Ben that if he comes to Dallas he can help him meet the right people in the olive oil business.  The brothers sit like stumps.  It was so uncomfortable.  So I rewound and watched again and again.

The brothers are grunting when Jojo comes home.  She says on the voice over that she thinks Ben will fit right in with her “LOVING” family.  How so?  That he likes making out with her as does her brothers?  One thing was clear, the brothers got Chad to write this lame two page letter (front and back) to Jojo and deliver it miraculously through the help of the ABC intern on the day she arrives home.  But, quickly….I wonder if one of her brothers is actually Chad.  I think the theme song to Deliverance could be heard in the back ground as the brothers said they loved her again and again.

One thing for certain…Jojo’s family is male dominated.  She has a sister that nobody seems to care about.  When the mother daughter heart to heart took place it was so funny to see a woman try to cry but couldn’t because of the Botox.  It was typical Dallas.  In other words I loved it.  I love anything Dallas.  I still watch reruns of Dallas (only the first few seasons because obviously Bobby and Pan forever!)

If you have not seen it yet, Ms Jojo did swig straight from the champagne bottle.  The Godfather tries to stop her.  Then goes with it realizing it’s just another night at home with the family.  Typically you try to put on a good show for company.  But, since the brothers were grilling Ben to the point where he says “I’ve been coached to not say anything.” it seemed to be par for the course. The brothers wanted to lock this thing down.  Which was strange they wanted Ben to say he was going to pick Jojo….I think if he had they would have shot him on the spot.  You just can’t win for losing when you are dealing with inbred brothers that want to marry their sister.  Up until this week I thought Jojo would be our next Bachlorette.  But, since that means more air time for her creepy brothers I feel like that story line is over done….since we do have the Duggars on TLC.

End of show Amanda is crying.  Ben is crying.  I was ok with Ben saying good bye to Amanda.  But, it really bothered me on his date with Lauren that he left half a glass of whiskey (maybe more.)  I don’t even like whiskey.  Why waste good alcohol? It’s like they don’t understand what they are supposed to do on this show!  Drink!

Things I’ve learned this season:  everyone on hometowns have plantation shutters, when you cry learn how to gracefully wipe tears and snot with your hands b/c ABC doesn’t let you have access to tv, radio, phones or kleenex when you sign up to be on the Bachelor.

Pirate shirts are a dime a dozen, jean shorts should only be worn in place of underwear, and always make sure your mom gets ton of Botox and has easy access to booze when a camera crew is in your house.  Tight pants or jeans on a guy should never be worn to the beach and pushed up.  Bless him.

Week 9 looks okay.  I mean there isn’t any crazy left at this point.  They are going to Jamaica so maybe some rebels will storm a picnic or something like that.

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