Week 9 bachelor Recap…..

It was a roller coast of emotions.  I mean to have Lolo get an I love you then Jojo get an I love you.  Then Caila got the boot.  It was all too much in one night.  And all so boring too.  How does ABC do that?

Caila’s date started out slow, boring and by the end I was hoping they had food poisoning from the jerk chicken shack so that the date would at least end with some type of excitement.  Half way thru their Tom Sawyer boat ride I started wondering if they were actually just at Disney World doing a tour of Animal Kingdom.  Most of the ride Caila seemed to contemplate throwing  herself overboard and making a run for it.  But, I personally think she didn’t risk it because at the end of the day she was not about to ruin that amazing blowout.

After awkward silence, a meek I love you with zero response from Bachelor Ben, they went to the fantasy suite where they continued to awkwardly make out on the bed with fireworks going off.  But, for whatever reason that one I love you just gave Caila this confidence that I’ve only seen on Maury Povish.  By the next morning there was a lot of  I love yous, silence, and Caila seriously started reminding me of Isla Fisher from Wedding Crashers…..

Ben narrowly escapes the date the next morning and runs off down the beach to Lauren.  How big is this resort?  I felt like all three girls have fantasy suites beside one another.

Lauren shows up wearing the same hooker shorts Caila had on the day before.  Which in case you have forgotten are jean shorts cut into underwear.  They go off to save sea turtles.  They lay hands on them and then pray (just like the Baptist that I grew up with only with less clothes on.)

They took time to lay on a blanket, talk about how they both think the other one is too good for them.  Ben talks about why he had a case of the sads with her family.  They go back to the resort where shockingly there is a band playing reggae and singing about I love you….. I  was disappointed that ABC intern didn’t have enough sense to get this pop up band to sing the Lionel Richie version….because it would have totally set the tone of what was to come…..

It was only too perfect when Lauren finally says she loves Ben and he responded with the same to her.  She didn’t even blink which makes me think these two pretty much know how this is going to end up.  Bachelors are never supposed to say those three little words.  But, that Ben is such a rule breaker!

I of course by this time was beyond excited because I’ve kind of been team Baby Lolo for a while.

Then morning comes and Ben screwed it all up with his date with Jojo.

I blame Jojo and her lingerie that she wore to the waterfall.  And if you watch I’d say they probably had sex before the fantasy suite by the looks of things that were popping up!  Who edits for ABC?

Jojo I loved when she nearly got whiplash as Ben responded that he loved her too.  Jojo knew!  This is against the rules.  But, it didn’t phase her any.  She dropped a “Oh babe.”  I screamed and remained pissed off and cringing for the rest of the night.  I kept waiting for Jojo’s brothers to appear.  She some how has managed to convince Ben that her brothers are just really nice guys.  They are harmless.  One big happy Appalachian mountain family kind of harmless loving brothers.

Then when you couldn’t cringe another inch…..Caila decided to pop on over and surprise Ben Ben.  Why?  Because she loves him and just had to see him.  She couldn’t stand it another minute and she just knows he loves her back.  She got a serious case of the Olivia’s.  Jamaica be makin’ her crazy……

This should be titled “I think I will be dropping Caila at the next rose ceremony…..I wonder if I was supposed to wear these dork boat shoes in navy with the gray tight shorts and the aqua undershirt….what did the stylist at Nordstrom tell me?”

Finally the rose ceremony.  Chris Harrison has become a cartoon character of himself.  And just when I think I have no use for him, he redeems  himself.

Jojo arrives first and says Ben told me he loves me.

Then Lauren…..and this is Chris upon hearing the news….

I heart you Chris Harrison!!!

They both soon find out that they are the only ones left.  It’s all very awkward with a group hug…..I was again ticked b/c all season Ben has called Lauren first for a rose if she didn’t have one going into the ceremony.  But, on this night……he calls Jojo……WHAT?

The end was fab when both girls make toasts about love.  Jojo cuts eyes at Lauren letting us all know she doesn’t like flight attendants.

Next week is the ‘women tell all.”  I hear it’s good.

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